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TWO days before final performance at Cabaret and I've lost more confidence than I should have. Dress rehearsal for us was pretty...crappy but that's the way somethings go right? I've NEVER performed on stage SINGING. Acting? Sure, I'll do it, w/e! Never singing though. So I guess it's expected for us to be nervous and not have as much confidence as we should have. I'm sorry that we just didnt let loose. I'm sorry we didnt try to have fun (is that what you're thinking?). I'm sorry that our music didnt match up to yours.

If you don't have confidence in us, then we surely as hell wont have confidence in ourselves. Or at least for my case. At least a little word of encouragment could've helped? Or at least a "good job" and then tell us what we did wrong.

If just a glance that says "that's all you can do?" and some sarcastic feedback is what you could give us...then i guess we really sucked and we shouldnt be even on the show? :S

ugh...fml. still needa practice friggin piano, study for theory test, read french chapter, think about grandparents leaving, cabaret and now this. Thanks...for making this more uncomfortable :/

Wish today wasnt tuesday.......at least I could've talked to Sin bout this and not just rant it all out on LJ. :/

kimiko

i cant believe i just picked up that knife...hovered it over my wrist and even considered cutting myself. sometimes i just dunno myself anymore. im always this cheerful, happy and optimistic naive stupid looking girl and wow...family life is really fucking....messed up. i like to distance myself with my parents; grandparents are lovely and i have no reason to hate against them. Buh espeically dad; just dun like him at all. buh i guess that's the way of life eh? unfair and fucked. so i guess ima TRY and give em wat they fucking want. more emotion on my little messed up face, more social abilities,more interactive shits, better grades. buh da eff if that meant REAL and TRUE stuff. like fuck ima share my fucking life and get them mixed up with theirs. home life? other then in my room and maybe  washroom ;D, everywhere else is gay and distant. oh sweety dear i hope i dun become depressed D8

meh, who the fuck cares? (T_T)

kimiko

I'm pretty upset right now and since writing helps me calm down abit, here I am. :/

I guess it's the fact that we're raised in different worlds and time period, that makes our communication and understanding of each other harder. I blame it on the strict expectations from my parents that sometimes, I find it hard to be more of myself around them and easier to just go neutral. With my friends and outside of...well basically home when my parents are home, I'm more carefree, happy and smiley. With my parents, I find nothing in common therefore nothing to talk about. The jokes I find that are funny are pretty stupid/nonsense to my parents so what else do I talk about?!

They always ask: how's school today? Yea, like we'll get any conversation in that subject. Does everything involving me has to be about school, homework, marks and studying? Yea, no wonder I dont have anything to talk about on that topic. And everything I say is basically true; either I dont really care or mind what you guys pick cuz really...I dont mind at all! I dont know if you guys want it or not, to me it'll just be another addition; bad or good I'll just have to accept it.

Or maybe because I'm raised in a western culture world; so very different from our traditional family's culture. Sometimes the way I am or act is how everyone is suppose to act around people. So why cant they just understand and accept me?! Accept the way I talk, act, react to certain things and my opinions on certain things? I cant necessarily follow every rule ya know...:/

I'm sorry to say this my friends definitely understand me more and better any day than my parents. Because they know what's going on at school; they dont really care about who's copying who's homework or tests, or who's dating who or any social modern topic. I'm actually in a relationship and they dont know anything about it because I know they'll beat the shit out of me. So why even bother telling them when they know they'll be pissed? Why bother telling them anything these days?

Except for good marks, praises from teachers, stupid goddamned deeds I whatever did or just something interesting at school happens, I dont tell them anything. That's how far I trust them, how far I'm close to them. I cant even get comfortable having the 'birds and the bees' talk or sex.ed. conversation with them since everytime I bring up the subject, the first thing they'll say is 'why you asking this?' or 'dont do any of those stuff got it?'.

So why the fuck bother?

I used to think Spirit of Math was worse than at home with parents. It's so reversed. Actually, anywhere other than home with your parents is better. Home as in your house is awesome; but home as in your house with your parents is just constricting. Even at SMS, I make friends and have so much to talk about. I can easily laugh, joke around and not really worry about the math questions. Cuz seriously, who does their work in class?! Only my parents.

And just because PET's an awesome school doesnt mean all the students are what they expect to be: proper, loves to study/learn and basically their image of a 'student'. HELLO?! There are girls who dont even have a fucking backpack but a TNA bag. Highheels, revealing clothes, relationships, makeup, iPod; they dont even know the students in highschool and they just make assumptions. It's bullshit.

I cant wait until I graduate from university and find a great job and make myself worthy. Then one day, I'll reveal it all; how I got a boyfriend from the beginning of highschool even though they were against it, how I copy other's work in SMS, how I didnt really give a shit to certain things. Then I'll show them my real life in highschool.

So now I apologized. And if he still acts like that with me, then I guess there's nothing to do about it. I can be strong. I can do this without your attention. I've done it so many times before. 'Cause I've got school and my friends. They're always there to cheer me up. You cant bring my smile down. Life at home maybe hard but I'll always look forward to school. It's my safe haven; my escape.

But seriously; why bother? So I'm just going to close myself up around my parents, act oh so fake and fucking innocent and be whatever the fucking perfect daughter they want me to be. And amongst my friends, I'm going to be...myself. Happy, cheerful, laughing, joking, dirty-perverted, carefree Sherry..the one I bet they'll never get to see.

Kimiko<3

Don't believe everything happiness says
Nothing feels better than hiding these days
We bury our fears in the drinks, in these tears
For the days we believed we could fly

Call up your brothers and sisters and friends
We'll go back to the place where the night never ends
We'll remember the fires, the burning car tires
Boy how in the hell did we get here?

So why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

Over and over and over again
We sat down for a minute, grew up into men
Now we're putting out fires and changing car tires
Man how in hell did we get here?

So why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away this time

And we'll never get back what we
Gave away, when we still have that fire in our eyes
Don't believe everything happiness says
Nothings as real as our old reckless ways
When we drink by the fires
The burning car tires
Bad girls and good liars
The dreams we'd conspire
The days we went crazy
The nights wild and hazy
Man how in the hell did we get here?

So why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

Why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

ARGH! HAVENT UPDATED IN A LOOONG TIME (>.<)
buh so much stuff's been happening and has happened.
and yup, most of these stuff revolve around.....*drumrolls*...highschool xP

do u know im right now jotting down all my music notes for a stupid concert band review I hafta write and then listening to the song we heard from the concert to make sure im right?! see how busy i am?!?!!?!?!?!??!!??!?! (i hate it T_T) oh and im also practicing my damn clarinet since i have a formative test 2morrow....which im probably gonna fail at so why bother? xP

anyways, ever since skool started, it's been homework this and homework that. not to mention assignments and projects ASAP. and since I also have piano, that's almost an hour everyday taken away after school. And now I still hafta to that stupid Spirit of Math school and since now I live so far, it takes up about 2 hours for traveling and another two for the actual class time. So in total, thats four hours taken away right now. (T_T) Iunno why but I joined music (coulda joined family studies T_T...or Tech or something). so now since i joined music, i hafta go to Repertoire class which is like band, which takes up two hours every thursdays afterschool. So you can see why I'm basically jam packed right now on my schedule. This is why i couldnt try out for any sports teams, this is why i couldnt join an EC-clubs. Oh and now I've joined volunteer on tuesdays so now everyd tues. after piano, there's another two hours taken away for volunteering xP.

Plus with all the neverending homework, projects, written assignments and researching, it's always...time-taking! and if u know me that well, im a type of person who once goes on the internet and opens MSN....no one can stop meh (T_T). so basically...projects and assignments are procrastinated until the end and that's how i fail subjects :)...its a surprise I still got every subject (drama, math, music) on 90%-above except for gym

and here's the thing: I never knew small and fun subjects like gym, drama and ESPECIALLY music (grr to that one) have so many big projects! (>.<) That means next semester ima major epic/azn fail on all subjects....the IMPORTANT/MAJOR ones (science, french, english, geo. T_T) ugh....its like...PILING! :@

mom told me once that you start making TRUE, LIFE-LONG friends in high school. and she's absolutely right! Sin, Andrew, JT, Dion, Tim&Jon, Jacky (maybe); they're all awesome friends who I really feel like i belonged to and I'd stick around for a long time. Maybe it'll all change buh its progress right? And since now i have awesome-super-great-fun-sexy-(XD)-azn-friends, iunno when ill get off msn. :S and yes.....MSN's becoming addicting to me now...just like Maple......meh (>.>)

And finally.....back to old Fanfiction. These days, I'm having an inspiration after reading an awesome fanfic called "Paradox: The Power of Letting Go" written by Sayuriko. It's such an amazing and well-planned story and it really pushed me to write my YAMS and inspired me alot. Thanks for the push Sayuriko!! And you guys, check it out. It's an awesome story and I'm sure you'll like it alot ;D

Paradox: The Power of Letting Go

anyways, so these days I'm trying to find time for myself, maybe get a cup of hot cuppucino and write my ass off. But with all the homework/assignments/projects piling up on ME, it's really hard to do so. :S and yes, once again it's mostly my fault for my awesome procrastinating skills so plz forgive me on that one YAMS-fans. Tho i PROMISE i will get the next chapter out S.O.O.N! ;D

To all my fans and reviewers from You Are My Sunshine: thank you all so much! thx for all the written reviews and I really appreciate reading each of them. you dunno how much each review pushes me to write the next chapter so...keep'em comin! ;D and thx for all ur support and encouragement. it's doing positive effects im telling ya xD.

For those who hasnt read my story 'You Are My Sunshine', you are very welcome to do so. And please tell me what you think about each chapter by reviewing! ;D        You Are My Sunshine

And thank you to 'animehpgurl' who PMed me on FFN who made me realise I needa update on my LJ and such. Thx girl, luvya so much :)

Well, that's basically it. ahah lol im sounding like im writing a letter or something (T_T) buh pssh (>.>) cya guys next time!! =D

Kimiko <3

UGH! omg, i'm screwed =.=
this ONE TIME dat i actually actually REALLY like a boy and not just infactuated by his looks..
and he likes someone else =.=
LIKE SHIT!?!
WTF?!
UGH...CAN MY LIFE GET ANY WORSE? O.O

....no actually =.=
well yea actually xD
well sherry, u'll just hafta keep on believing! (in w/e the hell ur suppose to be believe in =.=)
well believe in him i guess xD

i havent updated this in a long time.
High school started.
it didnt suk as much as i thought it did.
just didnt like me homeroom; all girls class isnt that quite fun :P

Drama's the best; all the cool/funny/out-going ppl are there and the guys are super friendly
Some of them are my best friends now!
*He's* one of them, my best friend buh cant a girl like her best friend? :P
ugh like my status on FB said..."its complicated"    =.=
anyways, drama's awesome.
and surprisingly, so is math!
probably becuz the ppl there are kool too :)

since im gonna be here for the next four years of me life, ill just make plenty of friends and shit

ugh, my temper these days are going off the hook! even the most little things piss/annoy me and i just wanna rip something up into little shreds. (=.=)
i dun understand...is it because of this whole puberty shit?! ARGH!!! (>.<)
AND GUY...
yea, go ahead a throw a fukin carrot at me will ya? isnt it fun dude? throwing carrots at some random girl cuz ur so bored, stupid, dumb in the ass and just plain IMMATURE!?!? for fuckin gods sake...GROW UP!
seriously, i think someday ur gonna grow up into some homeless shit guy on Dundas street begging ppl for pennies and nickels. THAT'll be the time when I laugh at stupid ugly YOU! (=.=)

ugh....just wanna rip out all that retardass hair outta ur ugly face....(=.=)

Kimiko

HEY HEY HEY...

Kimiko  here!

just wanted to post this notice that (FINALLY...) the new story "You Are My Sunshine" is posted out. Check it out!

Here's the summary: She was raped at 12. She gave birth to twin boys at 13. She then abandoned them because of certain circumstances. Nothing could go right in Kagome’s life. But at 16, it turned around when she met Inuyasha. Is he somehow related to her two lost sons…? InuxKag

So yea, that's basically about it. You can find it on my profile on FFN..
...
...
...
OOOOoooorrrrrr you could just click this -> You Are My Sunshine: Prologue

Check it out guys!
oh and R&R!!! (^^)

Kimiko =D

ps: i'll keep u updated!!!

Ugh, I'm so bored here at the library so I'll just resort to writing some lame old blog here. (=.=)

Hmm let's see...wat to write.....................................................(O.O)

Nothing.....


ARGH. NEED TO FINISH MY STORY FOR THE TORONTO STAR WRITING CONTEST BEFORE MAY 30..i'm dead. (=.=)

I also need to submit my first chapter for "You Are My Sunshine" on FFN. Dammit...WORK KIMIKO..WORK!! (>.<)

Kimiko =D

Omg, my life right now...is f.u.c.k.e.d u.p.

Not only is my family in total depression because of me; Graduation is becoming a bitch. Not the party; the dates and shit like that. (UGH...THERESA?! ARE YOU READING THIS?!?!)

Ok so I thought everything's gonna be simple after I said 'yes' to J1 (a guy), who asked me to go to the dance with him at Grad. But afterwards...it was when I found out this guy I'd like to ask me. Omg -> WHY COULDNT HE ASK ME EARLIER?!?!?!? So I'm stuck in between. Well I already said yes to J2 so now the problem lies with J1.

J1's a really nice guy. He's sweet and funny and most of all, he's just innocent. And I know I'm gonna hurt him...even if it's alittle bit.

But Thersa/Karen, you know how I'm like. I cant SAY 'no'! And besides, that time, I really didnt care who I would go with. Omg...Nancy's right. Maybe I shouldnt have said yes to J1 in the first place. Plus, alot of people's gonna be so pissed..: "Kimiko. why'd you ditch J1 for J2!?"

Bitch?  Totally yes.

So here I am. in my own little blog world at lunch. Theresa's gonna tell J1. I wonder how it'll go. I wonder how it'll turn out.

You know sometimes you wanna just turn back time? If I had a wish right now, I wouldnt wish for fame, wealth, smarts, beauty or boyfriends. I would wish for a second chance back at time.

Theresa, you said I really didnt 'hate' anyone right? Maybe it's true but now; I really hate me. Well not 'hate'. But I want to. I feel so guilty, regret and bad. I wish this thing could be over while I sleep all the way.

...Maybe I should'nt have said yes to J2?! Maybe everything will be better if I said no?! But I really wanted to go with J22!

Theresa..thanks for being here with me. I think I took you for granted but I wont ever do it again. I love you so much. You dont know how.

Kimiko

I think I've really done it this time.
This time, my dad's really beginning to give up on me.
I never thought he would though. But I guess I just took him for granted too much..

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
But I guess it doesnt meant anything to you. And it's probably already too late.
It's my fault anyway; it's my fault for not putting enough effort into that math Gauss Contest.
I finally recall how you worked so hard for me to prepare this.
Hoping I would do so well and make us all proud.
Mom's really disappointed this time too. I've never felt such sadness and discomfort before. I've never felt so sorry before.

I know it's too late to ask this; but please give me another chance. One last chance. I'll make a better effort. I'll do what you tell and expect me to do. I'll be good and listen and memorize all the formulas. I'll try to take interest in it. And I wont take this last chance for granted. If you ever give it to me; I'll make every last bit of it. I'll earn your belief, hope and trust back with it.

They say sometimes regret is the worst feeling ever. It's true. I regret all the ignorance I gave them. I regret throwing away all the money and effort they put into for me. I regret ever brushing it off. I regret it.

I really regret it..

Kimiko

Pssh...
well it's NEVER enough with u guys..
so why should I pressure myself with this..
bullshit?

Kimiko
 

Well, looks like I really got in after all...

I thought I didnt since my stupid dad said so but later we discovered that being on the call-back list meant that I got in....so yea. (=.=)

but it doesnt really matter cuz now they want me to take this one year professional/academic acting training lessons for like one year and trust me....the cost is e.x.p.e.n.s.i.v.e!!!

*sigh* now I understand why sometimes money is so important and powerful.

(^^) OH WELL (stay positive Kimiko!)

there'll be alot more chances in the future and right now, i shouldnt be worrying bout stuff like these.  Besides, I really dun wanna dedicate alot of time to this so watever! xD

Kimiko =D

*les sigh* ...I cant believe I just did that.....(=.=)

I decided to enter that audition that's opened in downtown. Have nothing to say much but this: I.Am.Going.To.Make.A.Fool.Of.Myself. (=.=)

I'm so nervous...even now! ...wonder how'll I do this Saturday...*EEEEK*

Well, wish me good luck! (only 30 seconds of audition time =.=)

Kimiko =D

Morning: got up at friggin SIX to...-> take a shower and do some of my music project.

Later in the Morning: that bastard of my father got pissed off cuz "I should be studying for my science test instead of this bullshit" and I got pissed then he got pissed even more; therefore he started that stupid damn lecture about my damn stupid studies and shit and I just sat there and listened and in my mind I was like "hurry up mom, I wanna leave this damn stupid place"

On the Way to Skool: I started crying and became all emo and so my eyes and face was red.

And therefore.....my day was a damn stupid piece of hell-ish crap....(=.=)



I feel better now (^^) xD

Kimiko =D

Lol, I just got me report card back and I was crying in happiness and relief when I looked through it. xD First, I thought I FAILED either PE or FS...since from that major dance assignment, we got a 50% and it counted a big mark on our grade and from so many FS tests that I failed...I thought I dropped big time!

But strange thing is that I actually 5% BETTER in FS and I didnt fail PE...only a few marks lower. Phew...am I ever glad!!!! (>.<)

The whole day, I couldnt wait for my grades and we (as in the whole class) were celebrating and hugging each other (and dare I say asking for calculators to calculate their average) in gratualations (sp?)....omg....I was so emotional...xD

Well...now that THAT'S over....I'll stop talking now....(=.=)

Kimiko =D